(My recent testimonial exploits apparently gained the interest of a poor, sorry soul, tsk, tsk… And who am I to resist such an unfathomable opportunity to deliberately fabricate the truth, cast in the sarcastic and cynical text of nothing more than my highly exaggerated, remotely fictitious, and brutally astute, yet often comically falsified, observations?)

Among the many sights and sounds of the corporate grasslands of Habul Peké, one creature naturally stands out. The large, flightless bird, the Rhea (scientifically named, “Cumlaudeum numberfiveus”), is truly a beast of wonder, one whose peculiar behavior causes instantaneous alarm to nearby dwellers, who wishful-thinkingly flee at the mere presence of the loud and obnoxious beast. Often, you’ll come across the large, flightless bird with a smug look on its face, what with its haughty attitude and stuck-up mentality, it being fifth (and steadily rising) in the hierarchical ladder of the common species after all.

Recent studies prove that this wondrous creature has personality synonymous to the stereotypical “superficial high-schooler”, as you’ll often see it prancing around the perimeter with a supposed cheery disposition, all giggly and giddy and such, especially during mating season, when it smittenly, almost stalkingly, crushes on a member of the opposite sex. Meanwhile, if it doesn’t have its way, it will pull off what appears to be a passable human tantrum, very much like that of a small, snooty, and spoiled five-year-old brat. Even more surprising is its inclination to the queer lingo of post-modern human society. You’ll often hear strange noises and bizarre sounds escaping from this being’s mouth, eerily resembling homosexually slurred and intoned words, whether for mimickery, mockery or otherwise, by accident, by choice, or by sheer, dumb stroke of natural freakshowness, it is beyond human comprehension.

The large, flightless bird is of no noble origin, it seems. It moves with such ungrace, its mobility exemplifying its blatant disregard for the art of delicacy, equipped with its almost-monstrous-sounding guffaws & greetings (variations of which include high-pitched, irritating gaiety, or weak attempts at a scary war cry, completed with attacking monster-raised limbs), it is no wonder the majority of the bestial kind all get taken aback at first encounter with this beast. After the initial introductory shock has subsided, though, it is all a matter of deciding whether to be pleasantly surprised, instinctively threatened, immediately repulsed, or whatnot. This momentary lapse in judgment, due to the complexity of the presented situation, is apparently the creature’s favorite form of attack.

There are many other qualities that the large, flightless bird possess that still baffles and boggles the human mind. For instance, its undeniable urge for popularity, recognition, and camaraderie. Or its obsessive compulsion towards its self-proclaimed greatness. Or the hypocritical desire to stick to its convictions. These are just some of the things the corporate grasslands of Habul Peké have to endure and tolerate with this monstrosity of nature on a daily basis. Keep in mind, though, that these traits and attributes prove that this creature is on a self-evolutionary mission, reshaping the future for its own, selfish reasons. Yet no matter what we choose to do with this creature, whether love it or hate it, preserve it or hunt it down to extinction, butter it up or pull it down to its demise, we should always remember, this bird is large and flightless.


~ by iamnotfrodo on November 9, 2005.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: