Dc vs. The Collections Agent, Round 1

10 o’clock in the morning. The phone rings incessantly. Dc stumbles out of bed from an obviously incomplete sleep sluggishly, unmistakably cranky and irritable.

Dc: Hello. (It wasn’t a question.)

(No response from the other line. Dc waits for 10 more seconds. Suddenly…)

Very Rude Girl: Hello? Is Alma there?

Dc: No, she’s–

Very Rude Girl: She’s at work? Uh-huh. Who’s this?

Dc: Christopher.

Very Rude Girl: Christopher; and what’s your relation to Ms. Alma?

Dc: I’m her son. Why?

Very Rude Girl: Okay, thanks.

(By now, Dc is fast losing his patience.)

Dc: Excuse me, hey, don’t you dare hang up. I believe I asked you a question.

Very Rude Girl: What question?

(Dc has finally snapped.)

Dc: You don’t have active listening skills, do you? I asked you why you wanted my name. And who the hell is this, by the way?

Very Rude Girl: Oh, just for reference. I’m with HSBC.

Dc: Oh, for reference? Well, while you’re at it, maybe you could note it there as well that it is pointless to be calling at this hour, or any other time during the day for that matter, because yes, my mother is at work. And while we’re on that subject, and since you’ve nonchalantly included me in your “reference” without so much as my consent, (Dc decides to embellish the truth a little here, you know, to better get his point across ^_^) maybe you could also note it down there that I work in the graveyard shift, and that this is usually the time when I am asleep. And when you people call every single f*ckin’ day, the phone’s incessant ringing wakes me up, and I always have a hard time falling back to sleep. And I become cranky the whole day, and that affects my life, my career, and my relationships. All because of your pointless calls. And I know that it isn’t your damn problem, but it is f*ckin’ mine. So you have to at least respect that. And why is it that most of the time when I get woken by your freakin’ pointless calls, and I come to answer the freakin’ phone, no one freakin’ responds, huh? Isn’t it plain and simple proper phone etiquette that when the person you call says “Hello,” you say “Hello,” right back? Especially when said person gets rudely woken from their sleep and goes way out of their way just to answer the godamn phone?! (Yep, Dc has left the building.) And since you obviously lack manners, you should also know that it’s not right to ask for someone’s name without introducing yourself first, and if applicable, the company you f*ckin’ represent!! Oh, and one last thing. Before hanging up, that is if you’re not a stalker or even remotely close to a criminal, always make sure you state your godamn f*ckin’ business!!!

(And on that note, Dc slams the receiver down.)

–End scene.–

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~ by iamnotfrodo on August 9, 2007.

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