His Name Is Arrogant Prick

But his real name is Conner Lionel, a colleague of mine who never hesitates to jump an opportunity to be the alpha male. He always has an obnoxious response to everything you throw his way. And everyone he meets is just as obnoxious as he, in his most humble opinion (yes, I meant that sarcastically).

Except me, that is. I think he has a very low opinion of me, in that I will never be better than him in all aspects of being. All because I’m too darned nice. In fact, I’m so nice that I always make it a point to offer my services when necessary, and I go out of my way to be the gentleman. I even offer to lend people money when they don’t have enough for lunch. I’m just too nice, sometimes even at my own expense. If you take a survey, and ask random people in my office to describe me, “He’s nice,” is probably about the most creative and interesting description they’ll be able to come up with (because other than me being nice, I’m also quite boring).

I often wonder why I’m this nice, why I couldn’t have been more assertive, or even aggressive. That way, people won’t think they can simply walk all over me. Not that this pompous bastard ever has. He’s nice enough, in all honesty. I’d even dare say we get along well. But I can’t help but feel like he thinks he can do so, you know, trample me beneath his over-inflated feet, if he wanted to. And of course, I won’t ever allow that. Which leads me into thinking that maybe I’m not that nice after all. Maybe, when it comes to the conducts of niceness, I discriminate. Or maybe, this time with regards to office tenureship, I’m just new.

This is definitely a good reason for which to explain my niceness. Whenever you’re thrust in a new work environment, it’s almost an unspoken rule that you have to be more amicable than your usual. This is so you’ll earn your colleagues’ trust faster, and will reward you in the long run when the time comes that you’d need their help, or even simply for companionship.

If this is the case, it would mean that I’m a fraud and that my niceness is simply for show, and that maybe I’m almost as much an arrogant prick as my arrogant prick colleague is. But then again, I’d really hate to think that I act even remotely like him. How could I possibly fathom responding to people (despite the fact that I generally dislike them) the way he does? And, well, technically, I can no longer be considered “the new guy” anyway. I’ve been with the company for approximately two months now, and more importantly, there’s a new-er guy. But the point is, I let myself go beyond my only-child comfort zone (meaning my I-live-in-my-own-world-so-nothing-else-matters-but-me tendencies) just to genuinely help others out. At least, this holds true towards the people I like in the office. I’m nice, but not charitable. So it annoys me to such a binge-on-lots-of-fatty-foods-to-regain-my-happiness degree that I have to extend the same (though slightly biased and a tad bit fraudulent) “nice demeanor” towards alpha male-wannabe posers, who can’t, for the life of them, differentiate an order from a request besides the spelling. Especially the ones who merely share the same job title as mine.

And yes, you pretentious buffoon, I do think I speak better english than you.

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~ by iamnotfrodo on January 11, 2008.

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