Sex & Relationships, Accordingly

In case you haven’t been reading this lame blog religiously, I have recently mentioned that my favorite TV show of all time is the British comedy, Coupling. Lots of very educational… stuff to learn there. Thought I’d share a few, lah!

Ep1: “Flushed”

1. According to Susan:
– One swallow doesn’t make a summer.
– If a person isn’t being faithful, he or she is not cheating. If the person is being faithful, it means he/she is cheating.
– Every new relationship has baggage, so why not invite it all out for dinner?

2. According to Steve:
– One swallow does not make a girl someone’s girlfriend.
– Some relationships are supposed to end. There are some relationships the world is better off without.

3. According to Sally:
– Every morning your face slips a little bit more. After 30, it is advisable to put a daily limit on facial expressions. Girls should only ever smile at single men. That way, the loss of elasticity is justified.
– Age only brings you more to shave, not wisdom or greater confidence.

4. According to Jeff:
– There is such a thing for men as ‘The Boyfriend Zone.’ This is the tailing-off period after a fresh breakup when they still got a load of stuff in the girl’s flat, or they might still have a wedding to go to together, and they’re still under joint headings in their friends’ address books. The rules of ‘The Boyfriend Zone’ stipulates that should the matter ever come up, the guy is entitled to see the girl’s underwear.
– The type of women, or men respectively, that you can’t get rid off is called ‘Unflushable’, because they keep bobbing around.
– Porn buddies are a safety precaution, like a scuba diver dives with a buddy in case he runs out of air. In the event of your best friend’s death, the first thing his porn buddy does is go straight to his house and remove all the pornography before his parents can find it. It’s a perk. You’re best friend’s dead, but there’s a bright side!
– The biggest turn-off on a first date is discussion of mutual friends.
– Sex can be very stressful for men. Women judge men on technique, sensitivity, stamina. Men are just happy if women are naked. Half naked. One breast!

5. According to Jane:
– If a guy is breaking up with a girl, and she doesn’t get a say in it, the girl can opt not to accept the breakup.
– In the story of Crippin, Crippin enjoyed many happy years of marriage before he murdered his wife. They didn’t just give up straight away, they worked at it! That’s the real lesson of the Crippins.

Ep2: “Size Matters”

1. According to Sally:
– The phrase “I’ll cook,” says “let’s have sex.” “Come and spend the night with me,” says “let’s have sex.” “I’ll cook,” says “let’s have sex and I’ll cater.”
– Women shouldn’t just dump ‘tripods’. There’s different levels of dumping. There’s dumping, plain and simple. And then there’s dumping afterwards!

2. According to Jeff:
– When exactly do you take your socks off during foreplay? You should get them off right after your shoes and before your trousers. That’s ‘The Sock Gap!’ Miss it, and suddenly you’re a naked man in socks. No self-respecting woman will ever let a naked man in socks do the squelchy with her. Many men have fallen through ‘The Sock Gap.’ Under the sexual arena of earthly delight, there lies a deadly pit of socks.
– Foreplay tip number 2 for men. Whoever you normally fantasize about during sex, start calling them by your girlfriend’s name. That way, when you’re in bed with your girlfriend, you won’t shout the wrong name when you have your eyes shut!
– Everybody thinks about somebody else during sex. That’s why there are so many celebrity marriages. If you fantasize about someone else during sex, and so does your partner, and those two people that you’re fantasizing about happens to meet while you’re still doing it, they’re bound to sense something because they’re connecting on a virtual plane. So can you imagine what it was like when Posh first met Beckham? They were the epicenter of a non-stop, nationwide, virtual shack there! No wonder she got pregnant!
– Foreplay tip number 3 for men. Do yourselves a favor. When you get to a girl’s flat, check out her remote controls.
– It’s a lot easier being gay. Sex is a piece of piss, if you’re gay. If you’re gay, masturbation is practice! You can have a good old practice on your own, and when you’re ready, when you’ve got the hang of it, you can have a go on someone else’s! It’s a piece of piss! It’s different when you’re a straight bloke. When straight guys get their hands on a gear, it’s not a drill! Gays, they get their own practice kit. But straight men don’t get any practice women. They’re supposed to fly those babies the first time they get in them.

3. According to Patrick:
– What do you call people you go out with but you don’t try to sleep with? Men.

4. According to Jane:
– It’s such a good idea staying friends with exes. Friendship’s more lasting than love, and more legal than stalking!
– There are no ‘homosexuals’, there are just ‘peoplesexuals’. There’s no such thing as ‘homophobia’, there’s just ‘peoplephobia’.

5. According to Steve:
– First dates are more stressful for men. It’s the unknown. Women, they know one more thing than men do. On a date, any date, the guy’s wondering if he’s gonna get lucky or not, that’s what he’s thinking. And the woman, she already knows. So you see, men are dealing with the unknown.

 


One Response to “Sex & Relationships, Accordingly”

  1. i should have my own subcategory here. atleast about relationships, because i suck at them. it’s like a what not to do list.

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